May Is National Masturbation Month

May is National Masturbation Month (as declared by Dr. Betty Dodson) so get busy! Since almost everyone in the world has "sex for one" at least once a month, it is actually the World's Most Popular Sport. So, isn't it kind of amazing that it isn't talked about more? I mean why can't we just admit publicly that we occasionally "choke the chicken" or "pet our kitties"? How did this come about? We know that in ancient Greek times, masturbation in public was OK. Masturbation was considered a gift from the gods and an effective rape-prevention technique.....The famous Greek philosopher Diogenes used to jack-off in the marketplace and when people would walk by he'd say something like "Isn't this like magic? It's like you could rub your stomach and get rid of hunger!"....So how come things changed? Why would such a healthful, pleasurable, convenient, stress-releasing, ecologically-sound (population control!), harmless, natural act of self-pleasuring become so unmentionable and embarrassing

The answer lies in the lies that were told by leaders of old. You see, back in the old days, more bodies were needed to work the fields, man the armies and pay taxes.  Leaders assumed that if people were masturbating instead of channeling all of their sex drive into reproducing, then they wouldn't produce enough new field workers, enough new pawns for their armies or enough new taxpayers to fund the insatiable demand for more tax revenue. Strength was perceived to be in numbers. So the leaders had to brainwash the common people to "be fruitful and multiply!"..... Hence, religion was used to help government to accomplish this and masturbation became a huge sin.  Medieval Christian Church Fathers used the masturbation taboo  to gain psychic power over an uneducated and frightened flock of followers. The goal was to grow their constituency with maximum speed so that rival tribes or religions would be out-numbered. Masturbation (an "unnatural sin") was viewed as a much worse sin than fornication, bigamy or adultery ("natural sins")...Don't ask me why one is "natural" and the other "unnatural"!  The "Natural Sins" could be absolved (pay a fine) with any Parish Priest. But if you committed the "UnNatural Sin", you had to pay a higher price and go to the Bishop. Since everybody masturbated, everybody could be made to feel shame, guilt and be made to pay for it. Wow, doesn't this sound like racketeering?! 
   So now it's time to revolt against these old taboos! Ladies, get out your vibrators! Guys, crank up some porn and start whacking! WE  have some catching up to do. A large group of senior citizens were polled on what their biggest regrets in life were....The Number One biggest regret?...........(drum roll please...)....70% said "not having more sex"! So get to work and pleasure yourself and then take that good feeling out into the world and spread it.  
Bless you my Brothers and Sisters, my Spankers and Wankers....Come let us play!