Mardi Gras Antics

We always have so much fun at Mardi Gras in New Orleans. The place to be is Bourbon Street because there is this tremendous partying spirit there. We hang out with friends at this bar on Bourbon called Le Booze and this place has constant craziness going on. It all starts about 5 days before Fat Tuesday. Each night some girls with porn type websites come in there with their film crews and "entertain" the boys (taking off clothes, "teaching" guys how to kiss sensually, performing oral sex on each other and more). Some of the bar patrons emulate the girls and it can look like an orgy in there sometimes. And it's all legal thanks to a New Orleans law that says "anything goes" if you are inside a building.

Here are some of the other things that go on there:

- There are a group of guys who have been holding court as The Judges for the past 20 years (I'm one of them). They are professional types (lawyers, Dentists, sales managers, accountants) who dress up in British Judge costumes complete with flowing black robes and Barrister (white-haired long) wigs. They set up a "court" in part of the bar and the head Judge presides. Other Judges go into the crowds of Bourbon Street and get girls to come in and take their tops off. When they enter the "chambers" the "Jury" cheers them on and after the top comes off the Chief Judge makes his ruling ("She's a 'Ten'!"), sprays a nipple with water, plays with it and applies a temporary tattoo that says "10". The girl also gets a Certificate of Exposure, an ornate document with a bunch of legal mumbo jumbo. We laughed all day and got to see over 600 pairs of boobies. A few take their bottoms off too and they get "20"!

- We made this cardboard sign that says "Ask Me About My Nipple Charms" and went out into the partying crowds of Bourbon Street. A Nipple Charm comes in two types. One hangs from a nipple and looks like a dangling earring with jewels on it. Another type connects to both nipples and dangles between the boobs (see the photo above). When we found a willing girl, she'd pull her top up and we said we had to get her nipple hard for the charm to be "fitted", so we had to play with it (gently pull on it, squeeze it, maybe lick it if she'd let us). Oh, what fun! Then the nipple charm "noose" was gently slipped over the nipple and tightened and "voila!", we have a more-beautiful set of boobs. This was all just an excuse to play with strangers' boobs and we laughed non-stop.

- My girlfriend dresses up in a leopard print and leather dominatrix costume ("Betty Page") and I'm in my Judge's robes and wig and we go out onto Bourbon Street. When she sees a likely couple walking by she points her leather whipping paddle at the guy and asks the girl "Has he been a bad boy?!!!"... Invariably, the girl says "Yes!" so I, as Judge, say "I sentence you to 5 lashes" so the Dominatrix tells him to bend over and take his punishment and almost every guy will bend over and Betty whacks his ass with the paddle which has some flaps that make the swats sound worse than they really are. The crowds gather round and everyone is laughing their asses off and cameras are clicking. Many of the guys like it so much that they want more!

Some gay guys come over and beg us to whip them. We laughed all day.

So, if you ever get the chance, go stay in the French Quarter for the 5 days before and during Mardi Gras and be sure to wear a costume on Mardi Gras day. You WILL have fun! Or Betty Page will whip you!

Top Ten Sex Toys (for men)

If we can agree that “toys”, in the broad sense of the word, are anything that are fun to play with then here is the list.

Top Ten Sex Toys (for men) starting with #1:

1. Ultimate Prostate Massager: this is the king of all men’s toys. It creates and amplifies a kinesthetic-neural connection between the prostate (male G-Spot), the perineum and the head of the penis, which is like connecting electrical batteries in series. It steps up the voltage, so the penis and everything-related feels extra sensitive. Basically, when you plug in and turn it on you feel like your pleasure and sensitivity has increased by 50%. It sends shivers of pleasure up and down your back and can make your legs shake uncontrollably with ecstasy like a dog whose belly is being scratched. No, it won’t make you gay! To be gay, you have to be more attracted to guys than girls… this is just about an extraordinary tool for ass-play that millions of guys are discovering.

2. Viagra or the generic equivalent. Even if your women already turns you on to the max, take a small dose (5mg-30 mg), for extra staying power and notice how it enhances the experience. Take it to the limit and see how turned on you can get without ejaculating. Use it in conjunction with the Ultimate Prostate Massager to see how many multiple, non-ejaculating orgasms you can have. Don’t use if you have blood pressure problems. It’s readily available on the Internet. You may want to get your first prescription through your doctor; then go onto the Internet and save big bucks for refills.

3. Astroglide: OK, so maybe it’s not exactly a sex toy….but in a way, it is…. It really helps in many ways and no Bachelor Pad or dutiful husband should be without it. It doesn’t evaporate as fast as other lubes. The only down-side is the taste which turns off some women…so just wash it off…

4. Hustler’s website videos: OK, I know it doesn’t seem like a sex toy, but it really is, because it’s fun to watch over 5,000 different videos at a cost effective price. For around $120 for 1 year, you get access to this website and their sister-sites (like Barely Legal)… the videos are sorted by genre, so if you like petit, large breasted, cowgirls with braces, with a foot fetish in fishnet stockings, also wearing a schoolgirl outfit, then you can sort your video searches this way! Every guy should be able to find something to turn them on in a big way.

5. Ice Lady Fleshlight: this is the closest thing you can have to sex. All the guys who have tried this tell me “Wow!” when they talk about this.

6. Buzz Two Music Activated Sex Toy Vibrator: This toy is lots of fun. It attaches to your mp3 player and the vibrations from the two bullets throb in time with the music, or by using the varied pulse settings on the toy itself. You can place the bullets in the 'his' (cock ring) and 'hers' (rabbit) skin-safe rubber covers or alternatively just use the bullets direct on each other's body parts…

7. Lots of towels and washcloths. Sex can be messy. Be sure to have plenty of clean towels and washcloths around. She will appreciate it and in the heat of passion, they can come in very handy.

8. Fetish Fantasy Leather Slapper: this paddle will show her who is in charge! Remember, one of the top fantasies of many women is to be dominated and spanked … just give her a few light whacks and see if she likes it…most of the time she’ll say “Do It Again!” and “Harder!”

9. Hitachi Magic Wand: OK, I know this is the Number One top-selling sex toy for women, but there are good reasons to have one of these….this is truly “heavy equipment” as it runs on 110 V electricity and is super high-powered… you may want to try applying this to the penis or the perineum when you are primed up and the orgasm will be superlative….also, if your woman needs some help, it can come in handy some days, because most women love these things.

10. Shower Massager: get a good quality shower massager … it feels good to spray it in certain areas…also, it’s easier to clean up (for Round #2) with one of these. If you use it to clean those hard-to-get-to places, you can advise your girlfriend that you are super-clean and deserve some extra licking of the perineum, anus and scrotum.… As Martha Stewart would say, “This is a good thing”.

How To Be The Greatest Lover In The World (for women)

Missy writes:

My husband is not interested in my body to make romantic intimate love and will not touch me. His testosterone levels are normal. He can get ready ok to make intimate love and he says he is not cheating. He says he is just tired for love making but, finds energy to do all his hobbies.

Last night it got so bad that I tore my shirt off in front of him in a deperate frenzy and put his hands on my breasts and cried "why don't you want me?!". He knows he is killing me, but he wont even try to fake wanting my body and to make romantic love to me.

What is wrong with me? I am not ugly, I get hit on all the time by men of all ages, even 20 year olds, I am 35. I am very clean about my body. I am not inhibited sexually and have told him that I would try anything he wants.

He watches the pain he puts me through and still doesn't even try. After last night he says that he can't stand seeing me this torn up and if staying with him is hurting me that much then I need to go, if I need to.

What can I do? I don't want to leave but I know eventually I will turn to someone else if for no other reason to just see if there is anything wrong with me. He says he can see how insecure this is making me but still does nothing.
Help me, please respond "somebody".

I was in that place before. It could be due to a number of things and it doesn't matter why...because you are going to use a bit of magic to get the result you want...now, don't make excuses and say you can't do the following for some reason or another. Just do it and watch what happens. I promise you this will get excellent results.

Here is what you will need : 50 mg Viagra (available all over the Internet without a prescription), water-based gel lube, Ultimate Prostate Massager with 3 AAA batteries, towel, Astroglide or similar... Get some Viagra and make him take 1/2 dose (50 mg) one weekend morning when you have a lot of time alone. He should take the Viagra at least 30 minutes before activity. Tell him to go take a shower and wash his private parts (including ass) extremely well because you have a surprise for him. While he's in the shower get all the things (I'm going to mention below) together near the bed but hidden so he doesn't see any of his "surprises". When he's back, you will take the lead and you will light his fire to the maximum. First, kiss him passionately while you stroke his penis between your thumb and forefinger which you have licked and made slick. Start pulling on the penis and focusing on it while kissing him. Take your time ... Lightly caress his scrotum and then massage his perineum (the part between the scrotum and the anus which is actually the base of the penis). Then wet your finger and lightly stroke his anus with one finger and use your other wet thumb and forefinger on his penis head while you are still kissing him. Keep "multitasking" until your hands start to get tired. Then go down on him and suck the head of the penis, lick the shaft, lick the perineum and then his anus over and over, but constantly move around from place to place. This will eventually drive him crazy with desire. Try to go as long as possible doing this....30 minutes is good but 45 is better. Don't let him rush you to intercourse. When he is starting to get aroused ask him to verbalize his feelings so you have feedback about how you are doing. The louder the better. If he verbalizes, it will also intensify the experience for him ... Then tell him you are going to give him a little surprise ... while you are working him him orally, take the Ultimate Prostate Massager in one hand and apply a teaspoon of gel lube to the tip and then as you suck the penis head, stroke his anus with the lubed prostate massager. Spread the lube around the anus and work it slowly into the rectum. When it's half-way in, it'll get automatically sucked in all the way, into the proper position. That's the first surprise. Take the control box in your hand and keep sucking and licking the penis head...then after he is used to the feeling of the massager, get ready to give him the second surprise, which is to turn on the massager to the "high" setting. When you do this he may scream with pleasure. Keep sucking, kissing and licking the penis head, licking his scrotum, licking/lightly biting the perineum as long as you can. This will drive him really crazy with desire and he'll think you are the greatest lover in the world and eventually he'll want to reciprocate. But first climb on top of him, apply Astroglide to your clit and try to ride him and have an orgasm for yourself....then ask him how he wants to cum. It's his choice. If he says he wants to masturbate into your mouth (you may want to suggest this) and you aren't wild about this, just let him do it, but act like you like it (and spit it out onto the towel).... he will have a major change in his attitude if you do all this...He will fall back in love with you....guaranteed!.....Now, eventually you have to train him to give you the same pleasure and this is done by telling him EXACTLY what you like. But first, try this procedure a few different times and see how his attitude changes. IT WILL WORK!

Magna Rx Cream Is Working

I've been using Magna Rx cream (and occasionally the pills) for about 9 months now. Does it increase the penis size by 1-3" like some of those products claim? Absolutely not. Nor has it changed the 7" of length that I have....But what it has done is to give me some more girth and increase the hardness when erect. Initially the increased girth/hardness came in the top third (probably because that's where it felt the best to rub it in!)... since before using Magna Rx, it used to be straight along the sides, I thought it looked funny and wanted to also widen the base area, so I started just massaging the cream in around the base. After 3 months, I noticed a significant widening of the base (where my girlfriend is pointing in the above photo). Actually I really, really like this because the main way she cums is by getting on top and riding me hard...and we tend to have sex almost every day for 90 minutes....she tends to put her clit on my pubic bone for 20-30 minutes for "best results" and this bends the cock downwards and used to hurt a lot at the base...but now that the Magna Rx cream widened and strengthened the base, I cheer her on and yell "Ride 'Em Cowgirl!!! Yeee Haw!!!

Girlfriend Lets Me Cum In Her Mouth

We are in New Orleans' French Quarter for New Years. It's a romantic place because the food is extraordinary, the architecture is very unique and everyone here is in a partying mood. My girlfriend and I went to Antoine's Hermes Bar to watch the Bears beat the Vikings which is good for our New Orleans Saints. Antoines is a wonderful restaurant that was founded in 1840, so it's America's oldest restaurant that is still run by the descendants of the owner. After having a fabulous meal we went home and my girlfriend was unable to have an orgasm (she was still "wound up" from being with our parents over the holidays) and she said "Just fuck me fast and cum in my mouth!"... so I inserted my Ultimate Prostate Massager and fucked like a rabbit...It was really great when I came. It's such a mentally-exquisite event ... Girls if you want to give your man a big turn-on, just let him cum in your mouth every now and then...

Fantastic Fantasy Fest Fun

We went to Fantasy Fest again and stayed at the Marquesa Hotel, which Travel and Leisure magazine ranked as #1 in Florida. It's a restored 1880's sea captain's house with 14' high ceilings, beautiful wood floors, antique furnishings and a tropical paradise in the back yard with waterfalls, lush landscaping and two pools.... It's a very romantic place and I could tell my girlfriend was turned on by it all. Guys, this really is a special place to bring your woman....Fantasy Fest is like Mardi Gras, only for adults. So, you see many scanty costumes and a lot of nakedness on the street (disguised by a little body paint). It's actually legal for girls to be totally naked as long as you have body paint over the genitals and nipples...If you are within the ten square block "Fantasy Fest area" it's OK to have open containers of alcohol on the street, which is unusual for the State of Florida. We always dress up in costumes which is much more fun because everybody interacts and jokes around with you. Especially at night on Duval Street, you see some really great and risque costumes. I went as Hugh Hefner (dressed in satin pajamas) and my girlfriend was "Betty Page", a 1950's Playboy pinup girl and the first mainstream dominatrix. She was dressed as a dominatrix and would go around whipping all the bad boys and girls. We saw Fidel Castro and she went up to him and said "You have been a very bad, bad boy!" and started whipping him with her leather spatula/whip. Some Cuban-Americans were nearby and screamed with delight and applause. He bent over and loved it. Many people would just walk up and bend over and ask for a whipping....Isn't funny how some people love to get whipped?! It was nonstop antics and I've never laughed so much in one week. It was also a turn-on to see all the sexy costumes and we can't wait for next year.

Wow! Girls, You Gotta Do This To Your Man!

OMG! My girlfriend gave me the best orgasm today. Since it's Sunday, we had plenty of time to get warmed up and after the usual foreplay she climbed on top, rode the pony hard and came in a big way. She then asked me how I wanted to come. Hmmmm, let's try something new... and I asked her to lick my ball sack and perineum, while my Ultimate Prostate Massager was inserted on the"Jackhammer" mode and I jacked off.... The sensations were FABULOUS and I exploded like never before....I must have shot sperm 4'.... Oh, baby, thank you soooo much!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh